Being a mom has thus far proven to be a journey filled with love, challenges, and the constant balancing act of pursuing personal goals while nurturing my child. You don’t need to have been a mom for a decade or have multiple kids to feel the weight of mom guilt. From the moment my daughter literally popped out into the world (TMI?), I shared in that universal feeling. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, the guilt can be overwhelming. I often thought I was the worst for not openly expressing love for the role, until I heard in a movie, “I don’t love being a mom, I love being her mom.” It resonated deeply with me because, while I may not always love the challenges of motherhood, I love my kid with all that I am.

For me, mom guilt often stems from feeling torn between family and personal ambitions. It’s normal to feel this way, especially in a world that constantly changes and demands more from us. When my child was born, I struggled with feelings of inadequacy, comparing myself to others who had more material things or the support of a traditional partner. Being around family after more than a decade away, I faced old-school beliefs and comments about what material things I lacked, even though I didn’t see it that way. I felt as if I wasn’t enough to give her the life she deserved. I remember seeing someone’s perfectly set-up nursery and playroom and feeling like I was falling short.

It wasn’t until I silenced the mental noise to truly listen to my child that I realized all she wanted was my presence, not perfection. She found joy in simple things, like playing in the park, picking up sticks, flowers, or throwing leaves in the air. She wanted to draw or paint together. In all her unintentional ways, my child reminded me that I am enough, and my ideal minimalist way of living is as abundant as I believe it to be.

Mastering from Within

Even without the desired hands-on help outside of daycare, I’ve learned that self-mastery is key. By focusing on internal growth, I’ve been able to navigate the challenges of motherhood. This has involved:

• Reframing negative self-talk in the moment.
• Being gentle with myself.
• Appreciating my body for all it has done and taken me through these 37 years.
• Connecting with coaches, which helped me focus less on external circumstances and more on my internal dialogue.

Mastering your thoughts and emotions means that even on hard days, it’s still possible to find peace and resilience to show up from a place of love and guidance.

Managing the Overwhelm

To alleviate mom guilt, I had to uncover the root cause of my feelings. Constant learning as a coach, getting familiar with trauma, triggers, somatics, understanding how our minds work, and reprogramming them, helped me try out new practices on myself. Much of this acknowledges that body and mind aren’t separate, and that effective healing and empowerment come with honoring that oneness. In the moment, I’d also:

• Ask myself why I felt a certain way and address those emotions, walk away, and shake it out.
• Recognize that it’s normal to feel overwhelmed and that she’s expressing age-appropriate behavior.
• Have conversations with my kid after her or my meltdowns about why each of us was really upset or reacted a certain way, what we can do differently next time, and what we need the other person to do or say instead.
• Commit to having at least 10 minutes a day dedicated to recharging and discharging energy healthily – through yoga, high-intensity workouts, meditation, walking, and journaling – which has now grown to a total of 2 hours a day🙌 spread throughout the morning, midday, afternoon, and evening.

“Me time” has been essential for maintaining my well-being and ensures I’m being the present, loving, adventurous mom I intended to be.

Embracing Flexibility

Flexibility was essential before motherhood and remains so now. Kids don’t understand schedules, and that’s been an adjustment. I let go of rigid morning and evening routines and modified as needed – being okay with falling asleep at the same time as my child or skipping the morning workout if she woke at 4 a.m. In moments when I could explode, I catch myself and say, “Oh you little… SWEET!” Bringing on more smiles and laughs which have helped me enjoy the ride of motherhood more fully. I committed to making sure I laugh every day – finding something just for me, whether it’s a quick episode of “Friends” or “Workin’ Moms” during my lunch break after outside time. I can still be the playful, curious person I was before becoming a mom, with growing patience and compassion.

Celebrating Wins

My evening journal prompts are a combination of gratitude and wins – things I completed that day. Even if it’s bringing my kid to the doctor and being grateful for government bulk billing, in addition to winning in me-time, blog writing, eating quietly while my food’s warm, or being able to sip on my coffee or tea while it’s also still warm! Whether it’s getting through a day without snapping or finding a moment of peace, every win counts. Celebrating individual tasks stacks up to be a list of positive and noteworthy achievements, for the fact they were all DONE. Then I write the three major things I want to get done the next day; anything else is a bonus. Sleeping through the night (unless of course, my kid wakes up for something) has been better. Progress boosts motivation and has reduced feelings of depletion.

By focusing on self-mastery, embracing flexibility, and celebrating all our wins, we can alleviate the burden of mom guilt while pursuing our goals. These practices remind us that our worth isn’t measured by perfection but by the love and presence we bring to our children. Pursuing personal goals while nurturing our kids is not only possible but essential for our well-being and theirs. Remember, every step you take towards balancing your ambitions with motherhood is a victory in itself. 

➡️If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed or depleted, I invite you to join me in a complimentary one-to-one chat to Break Free From Survival Mode 🫶