“To Thine Own Self Be True”-Shakespeare. We all had to dissect that in school, right? It’s never been more relevant than now. Scrolling through Insta, seeing those “perfect” lives, or even just hanging out with friends, it’s easy to get caught up thinking, “I wish I was more like them.”

I remember often being measured against someone I admired during my elementary school days into adulthood. She was perfect on paper, kind, caring, and when around her, I would overhear compliments on how beautiful she was. In middle school and high school, when I’d been teased about my features because of my family origins, I began to hate the things others picked out and wished I was her. I used skin whitening products, which caused adverse reactions; I tried to dress like popular kids and act like other teens, but somehow still never quite felt like I belonged. All of it was exhausting and left me looking in the mirror unsatisfied with who I was and my life.

Being compared to from a young age with others, and situations, we tend to become afraid of rejection, failure or judgment. We hear what we’re not and don’t have, conditioned to focus on what’s lacking or outside standards. We watch our energy decline and start to believe we’re incomplete or unworthy.

Just as we learnt to doubt ourselves, we can unlearn it and reprogram our minds to pay attention to what we have, what we can learn and the power we hold to create limitless solutions. It wasn’t until I bounced out of the country to study then live abroad, that I finally started to shake off other people’s opinions. Being totally out of my comfort zone forced me to know, love and be myself by exploring new practices.

Here are 10 practices to help stop comparing yourself:

1. Reconnect With Your Authentic Self and Dreams:

I recommend this foundational step for anyone wanting to overcome self-doubt to do first. Before you can stop comparing you need a strong sense of who you are and what you truly want, in order to have the clarity which will support the rest of your practices. It wasn’t until my late twenties that I gave attention to this and I wish I did sooner! This is how I started to redefine my own reality and answer – who am I, what do I want to be, how can I do it and what will life look like if…When you’re in touch with what’s important and meaningful to you, and you set goals that light you up, distractions of waiting for perfect or comparing melt away. You see a compelling vision that plays out successfully in your mind’s eye. You hear an undeniable “yes” that echoes within your core, a powerful internal dialogue fuels your actions. You feel an intuitive pull that urges you into motion. Then a strategy forms. You think about it day and night, until it’s achieved, then you create a new vision. 

Practice: Prioritize time after doing something you love, to hone in on your core values and desires.    Then reflect on what your purpose is now and ask yourself if you’re living it. If not – how will it integrate with all other aspects of your life?

2. Your Worth Isn’t and Doesn’t Have to Be Determined by Others’ Opinions:

Once you have a clear sense of self, this point becomes more powerful. Living in unfamiliar environments where no one knew my past or held expectations, taught me to shed the need for external validation. I started conversations on buses, coffee shops, introduced myself to strangers and asked people I just met if they’d want to hang out. We can allow others’ limitations to dictate our happiness and health, or get back in the driver’s seat to choose our route and experiences. 

Practice: Reflect on times you felt your worth was tied to someone else’s opinion. How did it hold you back? What would life look like if you believed you’re worthy to be, do or have what you dream? How would you feel? 

3. Understand Why You Really Compare Yourself:

Self-awareness is key. Knowing the roots of our comparison habits, we can address the underlying issues more effectively. My reflections brought to light how much I took on my parents’ beliefs that resulted in my comparisons E.g. Compared to him/her/them… life is hard, never enough money, we’re poor, only happy if you’re rich or successful. Living overseas, encountering so many individual stories, and a handful who’d started out like my immigrant parents, revealed much of what I was told and heard wasn’t true. It didn’t have to be. I saw how we, our parents and theirs, tend to inherit the perceived limitations of those whom we grow up with and are surrounded by. We must make a conscious decision to transform our internal conversations, choose to recognize we are worthy, believe we are unstoppable and can access unlimited possibilities.

Practice: Journal when you catch yourself comparing someone or a situation. Why do you think it started? Is it a fair comparison? What thoughts popped up? Are they really true? What alternate realities are possible?

4. Detox Time

Years ago I remember this was the first thing I did. Limit or stop consuming anything that causes you to compare yourself – magazines, news or social media. So much can be super-filtered. That woman could be in her aunt’s mansion, she could be using a fancy work car, or on vacation paid for by her parents. When we see these curated moments, our brains tend to simplify and categorize the information, often overlooking crucial context and jumping to generalized conclusions to make sense of what we’re seeing. This can manifest as E.g. Unfair comparisons. Thinking, “I’m not there yet, I’m not as good as…” comparing our year 1, to someone on IG living her dream lifestyle, who’s in year 10 of operating her own business. 

Practice: Turn off social media notifications, uninstall it completely or unfollow accounts that leave you feeling a little sad.

5. It’s You vs. You:

Each of us is responsible for our own happiness and fulfillment, and this empowerment stems from cultivating an internal locus of control. Believing you can influence outcomes, trusting in your abilities, and knowing you can bounce back from challenges – reinforce this internal strength. Ultimately, believing anything is possible starts within.

Practice: Reflect on your achievements, no matter how small you think it is – write it down! Acknowledge the effort, the skills it took and what you’ve gained. You’ve made it to the point you’re at now, where I’m sure you’d have a list of things you’d tell and wish your younger self knew. Celebrate how you’ve grown. 

6. Be Your Own Hype Person:

This builds your self-reliance, empowering self-talk and supports making sustainable lifestyle changes. Practicing this helped me shift focus to point 4, and recognize I am enough. I’ve learnt that you have to be your number one fan, because no one will want your dreams or desires as much as you need to. When you’re clear on how you want to feel, what you want to experience now and in future, it’s easier to laugh more and be playful everyday. 

Practice: Making this fun is key. E.g. Challenge yourself for personal bests – going up the stairs, walking to the train station, meal prep or meeting new people. Catch negative thoughts E.g. “They just bought a brand new car and have this amazing house. I’m so behind in life.” Reframe in the moment – “Everyone’s financial situation and timeline are different. We have different priorities and circumstances. I’m working towards my goals, making progress each day, and I’m doing enough.” 

7. Embody Who You Want to Be, Not Your History:

You’re not that person from high school, or even the “you” of five years ago. Once you start to understand the why behind your comparisons – those old stories and limiting beliefs – you unlock the power to consciously shape who you’re becoming. For too long, I let other people’s labels define me. I made choices based on being the “clingy,” “shy,” and “helpless” person I’d internalized. Thankfully, a few straight-shooters called me out on my self-sabotage. They helped me dig into the roots of those old habits and the negative self-talk that fueled my low self-worth. That’s when I realized we have to live as we intend to, using our past not as a cage, but to propel us forward. 

Practice: Journal about who you want to be in a year from now. What does that version of you need to happen now, in order to achieve your goals? E.g. What is your future self’s outlook on life, what do they do everyday even if they don’t feel like it? 

8. Speak With An Abundance Mindset:

I used to be the complete opposite of this, scarcity minded, constantly worrying about what was never enough. And damn did I learn that it actually works! Your inner and outer world transform, when you choose to believe there’s enough for everyone and that resources are abundant. It negates the beliefs that there’s too much competition, an area is too saturated or that you can’t succeed. A weight lifts off your shoulders, you see success blossom faster through a willingness to share, collaborate and give without expecting something in return. 

Practice: Encourage generosity, share resources, offer support, and focus on both personal and collective growth. 

9. Everyone Is Here to Be Their Own Person:

You’re not here to write someone else’s story, you’re here to produce your own. Once we stop living to meet outside expectations, we increase our capacity to stop, smell the roses and enjoy simply being. Think about your closest friends. What makes them unique? What has been their impact on your life, or in supporting others? Why is the world a better place because they exist? 

Practice: When you start comparing yourself to someone, or what your XYZ person wants for you, tell yourself, “They’re responsible for adding to their own happiness. I’m responsible for adding to mine. We each have the choice to research, sign up, try out, self-teach and do whatever we need to make ‘possible’.” 

10. Be Objective:

Remember, when someone throws judgment or comparison your way, it almost always says more about them than it does about you. Comments often reflect their own beliefs about what’s “right,” “a priority,” or “necessary,” or they might be projecting their own limitations and insecurities onto you. Their story isn’t your truth. To navigate these moments effectively, it’s crucial to step back and analyze the situation with as much clarity as possible, separating their perspective from your reality. 

Practice: In challenging conversations where judgment creeps in, practice compassion and empathy. Strive to be objective by observing their words and behavior without immediately filtering them through your own emotions or past experiences. You can try to understand their viewpoint without necessarily agreeing with it. This allows you to respond thoughtfully and could guide them towards seeing their own potential, the power they hold within.

“I’m not what I think I am. I’m not what you think I am. I’m what I think, you think I am.” 

Charles Horton Cooley nails it right? 

Everyone else is always going to have an opinion. They will have their own expectations and limitations – none of which have to be your reality too. We all get sucked into the scroll, or family gatherings whispering “never enough.” But you’ve got what it takes to rewrite that story, and create exactly what you want. It all comes down to knowing your true self, tuning into your dreams, and realizing your worth isn’t up to anyone else. Comparing prevents you from being truly present, creates more insecurities, and steals all the potential joy you could’ve been experiencing.

You’re here to enjoy this human experience and be your biggest cheerleader! Your power? It’s been waiting for you to own it, to unleash an epic life adventure.

✨If you’re ready to go claim it, read more here Empowerment Coaching: Conquer Self-Doubt and Trust Yourself 

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